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Connor's Story
"In December of 2010, we found out that we were having our very first baby..."
The sonograms showed that everything was fine... until our 18 week appointment when we were only supposed to be going to find out the baby's sex. The doctors told me that I had extremely low fluid and sent me to a specialist. We were told that our sweet baby would be stillborn and would not survive the next few weeks.
Our sweet baby boy made it to 27 weeks gestational age when we were forced to deliver because his umbilical cord's flow was stopping. Connor James weighed 1 pound 8 ounces. He had an underdeveloped brain, inflamed organs and only lived for 14 hours after birth due to CMV. They are now testing me for chronic CMV infections.
I had no idea what CMV was and had never even heard of it. I think that it's time to get the information out there.
For parents: I know what you're going through. Learning during pregnancy or shortly after birth that your child was affected by an infection you may have never heard about, is absolutely devastating. If you have lost a child to CMV, I can only give you my most sincere apology. I know it isn't enough. I've been there.
For mothers: Losing a child you carried is the worst feeling on the planet. You have all of these hopes and aspirations just to have it all ripped away from you. It doesn't matter if you knew that something was wrong the whole pregnancy or if it completely took you by surprise, you're never ready for it. Everyone tells you things will get better with time, but if they've never been through it (and I hope that they never will), they can't possibly understand what you're feeling.
It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to have good days. I know that I am guilty of having some fun and then feeling a little guilty because my sweet son isn't here to share it with me. But no one should feel that way. Don't feel guilty for doing everything you could to keep your baby safe. As a mother, you often want to blame yourself for anything that goes wrong, but you can only do so much.
For dads: I know that losing a child is hard for you too. Know that whatever you're feeling, you're wife is feeling ten fold. Be compassionate and sincere and know that sometimes she's just going to want to lay in bed and cry. Sometimes she'll think of something and need you to listen. Don't let a tragedy like losing a child tear you apart. Lean on each other and be stronger together, I know that things will be crazy for a while and I will never say "you'll get over it" because you won't, It will always be there with you.
Be a proud parent of an angel baby. It will take a while, but don't be afraid to talk about him/her. Let people know that it's okay to talk to you about it. Take things one day at a time. Sometimes it will feel like things might start getting back to normal and the next minute it can feel like you're back to the beginning. Just take your time. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or for how long. Take help when you need it. Find things to do to help you let your feelings out whether it's blogging, talking to a friend, making a scrapbook for your angel baby or just taking some time for yourself. It's okay to grieve and it's okay to feel like you've been cheated.
- Shared by his mother, Kimberly